I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Of course, I’m not saying I’ve never thought before. It’s just that I’ve had a lot of questions in my mind that I didn’t have the answer to and that bothered me a little bit. I guess I’ve been in a bit of a fragile state all summer. (Notice how I didn’t say “vacation”?) I’ve been questioning and criticizing myself, maybe a little too harshly and I begged myself to answer one question. Just one.

What do you really want to do with your life?

I had absolutely no idea… until now. I want to be happy. Simple as that.

I know I should’ve said something like, “I want to be a successful doctor with gazillions of money in the bank” or “I want to start a business and become the third richest person in the Philippines” or even “I want to take an oath to celibacy and be a nun.” But, the thing is, I don’t really know what I want to be in the future. All I know is that I want to be happy.

I want to be married to a great God-fearing guy and have a houseful of kids. That’s it, really. After being mildly depressed about my almost-there math exam score, I realized that this is what I want most in the world. Even more than graduating on time. Even more than becoming successful.

I want a happy family.

So, I know that it’s obviously too early to be thinking about these things but I decided to write down what I’d want to name my kids in the future. It’s never too early to dream, right? 😀

My first son will be named Gabriel Rique T. (insert spouse’s last name here).

Reading the Bible as a kid, I’ve always thought Gabriel was a lovely name. Plus, Gabriel is an angel and that’s exactly how I picture my firstborn: an angel. A sweet, little blessing from God. I got his second name “Rique” from my dad, whose name is Enrique. It’s pronounced “Rick”. So, it’s basically the second syllable of my dad’s name. I got this idea from Will and Jada Smith who named their children (Willow and Jayden) after each other. I thought, “I should probably name my son after the number one man in my life” (I guess my husband would be number two. Hihi)

My first daughter will be named Ashley Cille.

I got the name Ashley from Ashley Tisdale whom I loved as a kid. XD Yeah, sorry I don’t have any deep, philosophical reason for wanting to name her Ashley. I just thought it was a pretty name. ‘Nuff said. “Cille” is the second syllable of my mom’s name, Priscilla… for same reasons as the ones mentioned above.

My third child, if he is a boy, will be named Cody Spencer. If she turns out to be a girl, she’ll be Chanel Nicole.

Why? I just thought they sounded all regal and stuff. XD

Yep. That’s it. I only want three kids because four seems a bit too hard to manage and two seems so few. It may sound weird but I’m actually really eager to meet my future kids because I know I’ll love them so much. I know that parenting is hard work and that it’s not always cakes and rainbows but… I’m excited.

The thought that one day I’ll be a cradling a little boy or girl in my arms comforts me to the point that grades don’t seem to matter that much. I’m not saying they don’t matter, they DO. I just mean that grades pale in comparison to the thought that one day, I’ll be forming and raising new life. One day, I’ll be singing “Rock-a-Bye, baby” as I tuck my little angels in bed. I’ve always been scared of what the future may hold but, now…

…the future doesn’t seem so bad.


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