Random Thoughts: The Incomplete Analysis from A Biased Perspective

Here’s the truth about my “A Series of Random Thoughts” series: They are hardly ever “random”. I usually write them down knowing how I want to write it, how it’s going to start, how it will end, and so on. But this time, I can’t think of anything. ANYTHING AT ALL. I’ve been doing nothing these past few days and, believe me, I actually like it that way. It’s been fun not doing anything because I know that next week, I will be obligated to start doing things again. Call me a bum but wasting time doing nothing is actually quite fulfilling. It allows you to just sit on your lazy butt and think about things that you usually ignore like the essence of life or the significance of air. You think I’m just making dumb excuses, don’t you? Well, you’re right… in a way.

Anyway, this time. THIS NOTE REALLY WILL BE ABOUT MY RANDOM THOUGHTS. This note will be completely FREEWRITTEN. That means I have no idea where I am going with this and I am just letting my hands do all the thinking. A wise man once said, “The key to writing is to write, not to think.” So, bear with me everyone. This note shall be completely random.

How do I do this? Hmmmm. Yep. It’s hard to come up with topics to write about. When you’re writing, you want to write something that people will actually be interested in. On the other hand, you also want whatever it you’re writing to be original and creative and whatnot. I have no idea what to say right now. Let me think for a while. Wait. No. I shouldn’t think. I am completely at war with myself right now. Part of me just wants to slow down and think for a minute. And another part of me says “That completely misses the point of free-writing. You’re supposed to NOT think.” Well, okay then little-me. I guess I should just keep typing. By the way, I bet you’re wondering why this note is entitled “Random Thoughts: The Incomplete Analysis from a Biased Perspective”. I guess it’s because I like how formally ironic it sounds and let’s just leave it at that.

I am now going to look around my room for inspiration. TV. Television. That’s what I’ve been doing these days: watching TV all the time. My dad recently bought me DVDs of Seasons 1-7 of “How I Met Your Mother” and things are getting pretty intense. I am already at Season 6 and that’s why I decided to stop watching for now. Guess I just don’t want it to end yet. Sure, I know that HIMYM will come back for a ninth season but… I don’t know. I just don’t want it to be over just yet. It’s hard to fall in love with something that has an expiration date.

Speaking of expiration dates, I kinda feel like Ted right now. Yes, Ted Mosby. Guy from HIMYM. His story is one of hope. Throughout the episodes, we see him fall in love only to be left at the altar or rejected or whatever and still… we know how his story is going to end. We know he’s going to one day meet the love of his life and have two kids and be happy BUT right now, he’s (after eight seasons) still patiently waiting… and waiting… and waiting.

I know patience is a virtue but doesn’t it have, like, an expiration date? Waiting is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you have absolutely no idea what you’re waiting for. Imagine being stranded on a desert alone. You’ll be walking and walking, not knowing where you’re going. But you can’t just stop, put everything on hold. You can only keep your head high and keep moving forward.

I guess that’s what life’s all about then. Waiting. Waiting and going forward. It doesn’t seem ideal but that’s reality. Why do I sound so bitter, you ask? Well, it has nothing to do with school. Why would you even think that? Okay. So school has a lot to do with it. Waiting is depressing but you’ll just have to live with it. And waiting is so much worse when you go to school at the University of Pila. But… I do not wish to dwell on that subject. Think happy thoughts, Hannah.

Well, as I said earlier, I have no idea where this note is going. THIS IS (truthfully) A POINTLESS NOTE. But freewriting is an awful lot of fun. So, when you have absolutely nothing better to do, I recommend that you try this.

Aaaaannnndddd… it’s gone. Yep. Broke my train of thoughts.

Adios, amigos. ‘Til next we meet.

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A SERIES OF RANDOM THOUGHTS Episode 7: Rock-a-Bye

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Of course, I’m not saying I’ve never thought before. It’s just that I’ve had a lot of questions in my mind that I didn’t have the answer to and that bothered me a little bit. I guess I’ve been in a bit of a fragile state all summer. (Notice how I didn’t say “vacation”?) I’ve been questioning and criticizing myself, maybe a little too harshly and I begged myself to answer one question. Just one.

What do you really want to do with your life?

I had absolutely no idea… until now. I want to be happy. Simple as that.

I know I should’ve said something like, “I want to be a successful doctor with gazillions of money in the bank” or “I want to start a business and become the third richest person in the Philippines” or even “I want to take an oath to celibacy and be a nun.” But, the thing is, I don’t really know what I want to be in the future. All I know is that I want to be happy.

I want to be married to a great God-fearing guy and have a houseful of kids. That’s it, really. After being mildly depressed about my almost-there math exam score, I realized that this is what I want most in the world. Even more than graduating on time. Even more than becoming successful.

I want a happy family.

So, I know that it’s obviously too early to be thinking about these things but I decided to write down what I’d want to name my kids in the future. It’s never too early to dream, right? 😀

My first son will be named Gabriel Rique T. (insert spouse’s last name here).

Reading the Bible as a kid, I’ve always thought Gabriel was a lovely name. Plus, Gabriel is an angel and that’s exactly how I picture my firstborn: an angel. A sweet, little blessing from God. I got his second name “Rique” from my dad, whose name is Enrique. It’s pronounced “Rick”. So, it’s basically the second syllable of my dad’s name. I got this idea from Will and Jada Smith who named their children (Willow and Jayden) after each other. I thought, “I should probably name my son after the number one man in my life” (I guess my husband would be number two. Hihi)

My first daughter will be named Ashley Cille.

I got the name Ashley from Ashley Tisdale whom I loved as a kid. XD Yeah, sorry I don’t have any deep, philosophical reason for wanting to name her Ashley. I just thought it was a pretty name. ‘Nuff said. “Cille” is the second syllable of my mom’s name, Priscilla… for same reasons as the ones mentioned above.

My third child, if he is a boy, will be named Cody Spencer. If she turns out to be a girl, she’ll be Chanel Nicole.

Why? I just thought they sounded all regal and stuff. XD

Yep. That’s it. I only want three kids because four seems a bit too hard to manage and two seems so few. It may sound weird but I’m actually really eager to meet my future kids because I know I’ll love them so much. I know that parenting is hard work and that it’s not always cakes and rainbows but… I’m excited.

The thought that one day I’ll be a cradling a little boy or girl in my arms comforts me to the point that grades don’t seem to matter that much. I’m not saying they don’t matter, they DO. I just mean that grades pale in comparison to the thought that one day, I’ll be forming and raising new life. One day, I’ll be singing “Rock-a-Bye, baby” as I tuck my little angels in bed. I’ve always been scared of what the future may hold but, now…

…the future doesn’t seem so bad.